kryptonite

For all those who know about Superman, you’ll clearly know about Kryptonite. But for those who have lived on another planet and don’t know what that means, kryptonite is an ore and according to my Wikipedia, “the one weakness of an otherwise invulnerable hero.”

Okay, I know I’m not invulnerable but I’m going to make a comparison here. Seriously, I have my shit together when it comes to my career, my goals, my family and friends. I have made any and all sacrifices I’ve needed to in order to continue making films and I barely bat an eye because I know that it’s exactly what I want in life. I will stand up to any and all who stand in my way and I never balk at confrontation. Ask anyone who knows me. I’m not trying to pat myself on the back, just setting up my argument. The bottom line is, I know what I want and will not settle for anything less…. when it comes to my career.

And as far as family and friends go. Well, I didn’t use to take this seriously but about five or so years ago, I realized how important family and true friends are and I have consciously made a point to be loyal and care about all those who are true to me. I hope I have shown that to those who are close to me but I suppose, you will have to ask them if that is true. I do believe it is.

My personal life in regards to men, however, well… that’s another story. Because I have spent so much time on trying to get my films made, I’ve been able to ignore the personal aspect of my life for quite some time. Having had two long-term boyfriends, one for three years in high school and another for four years in college, I’m able to say that I get what it means to be in a relationship but it’s not a focus of mine. An aspiration, yes. One that will maybe happen one day but if it doesn’t with someone who rocks my world, well, then, it doesn’t. I don’t want anything less. That said, I realize I have a problem. I tend to go for exactly the wrong type of person and today, when one of my friends told me I was being the cliché, it finally hit me. I am f’ed up in this regard. And I need to change my behavior.

Not easy, people. Not easy at all. And I think there are many of us who can relate to partaking in bad behavior with the opposite sex.

Why on earth would one care about someone who doesn’t care about them? Why would anyone ever give the time of day to someone who ignores their thoughts? Why would anyone consider someone who treats them with little respect? It’s crazy, right? I know. Yet, I partook in that behavior. And I’m totally embarrassed and realize that while I may have my shit together in other regards, I have some things to learn in regards to my personal life. I’m glad I won’t settle but I’m not glad I pursue exactly who I shouldn’t. Why would one who treats you bad be on your list of someone worthy of getting to know???

Kryptonite. Some men are this for me. And I need to find my shield to it. Could it just simply be logic?

Damn…

I think it is.

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