Communication

There are times I like to be silent. Not talk. Not listen to others talking. Just be with me and my thoughts.

Sometimes though, these moments don’t exactly match with what my boyfriend has in mind. I love him, but he does like to talk and I love getting excited when he gets excited and I love reveling in his good news or comforting him with bad and I really love hearing how passionate he is about music and his business.

But…

There are times I like to be silent. Not talk. Not listen to others talking. Just be with me and my thoughts.

At first, my conscience spoke to me and sternly said, “Christina. You love him and you should listen to him even when you don’t feel like it.” So, I did. Two things started happening, though. I either zoned out and let my mind drift or I forced myself to listen and felt phony about it as I made impatient faces to myself (and perhaps the car occupants nearby…)

Not particularly enjoying either of those, I decided my next option was to change the subject and then slyly get off the phone/walk out of the room. This didn’t work either. All that ended up occurring was me interrupting him. And that’s just rude.

And then came tonight.

As I drove home after working a double, I called my boyfriend to say hi but my mind was exhausted and I was realllllly wanting some alone time. After several minutes of talking and a story started that didn’t appear to be too short, I decided I was just going to be honest with him. I simply said, “Baby, my mind is tired and I can’t really listen right now and I don’t want to zone out but I can’t talk right now. I’ll call you later, okay?”

There was a brief pause but then he said, “Sure, baby. No problem. I understand. Call me later.”

We hung up and I began to think about this…

Then, I decompressed. Got home, took a hot shower, did a facial scrub, wrote a blog post. And now, I feel a whole lot better.

Off to call my boyfriend!

“First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.”
Epictetus

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2 thoughts on “Communication

  1. Yeah, boys aren’t like girls, remember that. Just be plain with us and direct. That’s what we appreciate because sometimes we can be dense and not pick up on all the subtle cues that you’re just not into whatever we’re ranting about right now. The worst thing you can do which you didn’t say you had done yet, thankfully, is get angry and accuse us of not caring or being boorish because we missed the cues to STFU.

    Amy and I have been together for almost 3 years now and we spend a lot of time together just silent. That comes with time in any relationship I think. Not to step out of line here because I don’t know anything about this guy and very little about you other than the brief time we spent together doing political work, but is it possible that you’re cooling off from the “honeymoon phase” maybe sooner than he is? This could cause that kind of recurring feeling. But also, we’re men. We’re relatively self-absorbed and at time wrongly think that our world is the only world that matters, that our women love to live vicariously through our own exploits and stories of those exploits. There’s a whole dialogue in Pulp Fiction about being so comfortable with someone you can enjoy the silence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KnVX-uv-QPc

    Idk, random thoughts, but thanks for sharing. For me, I try to stick to the 50/50 rule. If I talk for 5 minutes, I need to let her talk for at least that long. But Amy is pretty good at telling me when I’m talking in circles or she’s already heard a story. Sometimes I’m like a broken record. Man I’m lucky. She’s very patient. :P

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    • Thanks for commenting Jacob!

      For me, this post was about open communication, which is always best I think. I was trying not to hurt his feelings but then realized the best way to do that was to just be honest. I’m not a big talker on the phone and need perhaps more quiet time than the average person and I was trying to figure out how to handle that… :)

      In the end, he completely understood and appreciated my honesty. One of the many reasons I love him… And I hope he’ll be honest with me when needed, as I am far from perfect. I think communication is the glue for a solid loving relationship and I am thrilled I found someone I can communicate with. But as this post implies, it’s a continual learning process…

      Like

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